Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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