Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize