So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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