I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
