great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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