forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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