I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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