I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
