I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
