I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
