If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
