He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
