Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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