It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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