I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
