I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
