ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
