i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
