Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize