Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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