So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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