Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
