Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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