I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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