I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
