Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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