Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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