We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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