when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
