he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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