when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
