the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
