i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
