oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
