dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
