I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
a search helicopter?!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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