i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There's always time for handjobs
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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