Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
