I don't think brook has ever known best
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
