I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
