I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
