Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
