Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
