i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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