drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
