she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
