Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
