Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
