i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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