I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
