I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
