I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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