is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
