He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
