he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
