Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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