if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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