it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
