we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
