Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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