Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
