she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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