What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
