Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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