Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize